when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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