Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
