He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
