I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
