make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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