I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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