so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize