Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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