i don't plan on having that self control this summer
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
