I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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