ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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