just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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