Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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