If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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