I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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