I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
