I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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