i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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