I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
