Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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