After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize