Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
