Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This is my gift to your gina
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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