She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
