just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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