I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
