it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
