pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
