I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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