Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
