i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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