I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
