I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
