I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
