just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
