I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The adults are the big ones right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
