I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
