you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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