this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
