I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
