Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
