i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize