I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
