I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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