What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
