Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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