my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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