sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
