The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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