Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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