youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
