Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
