I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
