the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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