no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
