I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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