Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
