If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
