I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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