my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
