She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
